you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
