EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
