Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
