I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
