Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
