if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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