Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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