Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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