Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize