I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
