I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
