just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
