remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize