she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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