I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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