I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
