Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
