where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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