8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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