At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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