There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You may now shotgun with the bride
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
