Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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