I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
