Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize