Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
