I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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