It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
