Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
