Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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