We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
