I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
