Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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