thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize