Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
