piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
