The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
