Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
