that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
