I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize