I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
