i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
