How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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