i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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