I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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