My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
