respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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