Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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