i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
