She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
