I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
