New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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