is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
