I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
