Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize