His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
