dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
