she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
