how can u be prego again
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She bit a glass in half.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
