where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
