What a fucking waste of an outfit
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
