so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
where does the pee come out of this thing
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
