So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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