I love black thongs
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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