yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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