so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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