I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
