did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
