Barsexuality is the new black.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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