no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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