There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
