I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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