I could have mohawked her pubes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize