Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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