3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
