he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
