I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
