Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
