She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
