Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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