ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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