Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm passing your future prison.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
