If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize