it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
