I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
