so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We smell like vodka and hangover
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