Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
