dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
