Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
