i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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