just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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