I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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