hotel room ftw
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
