so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
