you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
