I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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