fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
