I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
