Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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