dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
