Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize