I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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