Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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