Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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