Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
