You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
