wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
