Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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