last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
