Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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