Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
