Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
