I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
