I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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