Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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