Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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