12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
