i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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