I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize