Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
