In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
